A Marriage

The question I cannot ask:
what does that make me?
The hinderance, the baggage,
the uncategorised?
Should I have guessed?
There were hints over the years
rivulets leading me to Her
as I forced my way upstream

back to Him. You came home
to me, wearing your surprise,
your hair now long, gorgeously
blonde, makeup better than mine.
Is it selfish to cry? I don’t know.
For this butterfly woman
married to her cocoon, finally
free from her disguise.

Six months since she arrived,
I helped you stab him away
as she ripped off the shell of
daddy’s beard and ironed shirts.
I remain in our home, swollen,
re-writing photo albums,
our life disconnected then
suddenly pressed on play.

My husband, the former, loving
and not knowing you is new.
I hide him in the back of a drawer,
a ghost whose presence haunts
everything I knew to be true.
But to me, it is inconceivable
not having this, an interrupted
life, our family, this different you.

I spent a long time researching and perfecting this poem so to hopefully do this topic justice for the people I love, the transgender community and their partners. Love is love.

Merry Christmas x

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash.

4 thoughts on “A Marriage

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